


wretched existence

by ScarletKiss



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Assassins & Hitmen, Blood and Gore, Doctor!Jeno, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Minor Character Death, Morally Ambiguous Character, Pining, Unhappy Ending, this was an excuse to shower jeno with love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-12 06:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29380512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScarletKiss/pseuds/ScarletKiss
Summary: Pining after your best friend isn’t easy but it's that much harder when you're single handedly responsible for most of their pain. It's not his fault that he was hired to kill Doyoung, but somehow Yangyang doesn’t think that Jeno would see it the same way he does.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Liu Yang Yang
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25
Collections: Challenge #5 - I heard a secret..





	wretched existence

**Author's Note:**

> tw// death, blood and gore. There are mentions of a 16 teen year old dyeing and the death being disguised as a suicide. Please proceed with caution. There is also the theme of death as one of the characters is an assassin and the other loses a loved one. 
> 
> I woke up and chose violence with this fic, god i hate that for me.

_ Do not stand at my grave and weep, _

_ -unknown  _

  
  


Grief is ugly, Yangyang realized as he sat there watching Jeno ugly cry. Jeno had recently received the news that his beloved uncle Kim Doyoung had passed away. 

What does Yangyang say to make this pain more palatable? He's in a better place? I'm sorry for your loss? Yangyang isn't even sorry for him and he sure as hell doesn't believe in anything remotely religious. 

How do you comfort someone knowing you killed the person they're mourning?

Grief is ugly but Yangyang is uglier, his hands are covered in blood and his soul is a desolate wasteland. He is not sorry for what he did, he doesn’t regret it but he doesn’t like seeing Jeno cry like this, like someone tore a piece of his heart out. 

  
  


“I miss him,” Jeno whispered, “God, Yangyang I just want him back.” 

Yangyang wraps an arm around Jeno pulling him closer to his bony chest, “I’m sorry,” he lied. Jeno doesn’t respond, instead choosing to rest his head in the crook of Yangyang’s neck as he lets the sobs wreck their way through his body. 

____________________________

Yangyang’s converses slap against the linoleum floor as he makes his way through the hospital. “Hey, Yangyang,” the nurses call out a greeting as he passes them, he’s a frequent enough visitor to the hospital for them to recognize him. Jeno stands up ahead leaning against the nurses station. The bag of takeout in Yangyang’s hand suddenly feels that much heavier, “Jeno,” Yangyang called out. 

Jeno turned a quizzical look marrying his pretty features, “Yangyang,” he gasped before straightening up. “What are you doing here?” 

“I thought that with all that was going on you could do with some lunch,” Yangyang said hesitantly. Jeno let out a heavy sigh all of the tension flooding out of his body. Yangyang finds himself rewarded for all of his troubles when Jeno gives him a smile, the one where his eyes crinkle up into little smiles. 

Yangyang can’t help but feel his breath leave is body, it’s in moments like this when Jeno comes off a thirty-six hour shift at the the hospital or Yangyang comes to meet him there sixteen hour shift when Jeno is exhausted and has messy hair from frantically running through the ER. It's in these moments, when Jeno is at his most breathtaking not when he smears on his lip tint and eyeliner and heads out the club in jeans that are probably way too tight. Jeno’s smile is breathtaking each and every time without fail it leaves Yangyang speechless. 

“Thank you,” Jeno said as he smiled at Yangyang. Yangyang nodded breathlessly, motioning for them to head out to eat. Jeno trots after him obediently as they make their way to the roof. “How are you holding up?” Yangyang asked quietly. Jeno remained silent for several seconds before answering “A few days ago I went to the grocery store and I found myself sobbing my eyes out in the car because I remembered that he was gone. So in answer to your question as best I can.”

Yangyang nodded as he pulled open the door to the stairwell, he slid through taking the stairs two at a time. His bruises throb and ache at Jeno’s words, Yangyang finds the irony quite amusing as if the universe has decided to punish him, since you can’t feel guilt over your actions we shall make you pay through physical pain. 

“We’re here,” Yangyang breaks the silence to motion to the door that led to the roof. 

_____________________________

Pining after your best friend isn’t easy but it's that much harder when you're single handedly responsible for most of their pain. It's not his fault that he was hired to kill Doyoung, but somehow Yangyang doesn’t think that Jeno would see it the same way he does. Which is how Yangyang finds himself at Jeno’s door with a sympathy casserole, something Kun had taught him back in the group home. Yangyang knows Jeno well enough to know that Jeno is trying his hardest not to show how much pain he’s in. 

Yangyang knocks firmly on the apartment door balancing the casserole in one hand. He waits tapping his foot impatiently. The sound of the lock drawing him out of his thoughts. “Jeno what too-,” Yangyang trails off once he notices who stands in the doorway. Na Jaemin, the hospital's resident hotshot surgeon, the hot doctor that everyone fantasizes about meeting. “Yangyang,” Jaemin greeted, quirking an eyebrow in surprise. “What are you doing here? Jeno said you had a shift at the cafe.” 

Yangyang swallows hard at the blatant reminder of the supposed difference in their statuses. “I did, I switched out with a coworker.” Yangyang can feel the burn of jealousy beginning to stir deep within. “Oh my god, where are my manners,” Jamein exclaimed, slapping himself on his forehead. “Do you want to come in? Jeno is in the bathroom,” Jaemin added. 

“You know what I can’t,” Yangyang lied. “I haven’t gone grocery shopping yet and I just came to drop this off.” Yangyang held out the casserole. Jaemin accepted it gingerly “Jeno is going to love this,” Jaemin said brightly. Yangyang nodded his smile stiff and awkward. “Bye,” he spat out before turning and fleeing the apartment. 

“Fuck, fuck me,” Yanyang cursed as he landed down onto the sidewalk outside of the building. His phone buzzed in his pocket, Yangyang sighed and pulled it out. 

  
  
  


**Boss Man**

You have a mission. 

The target is Jung Sungchan. 

**Hóuzi**

ugh srsly 

I just finished my last assignment 

**Boss Man**

The target is Jung Sungchan.

Age 16. 

No current family, the target is an orphan.

Current residence will be sent later with more details.

The payment is 60,000 USD. 

Mission is to be taken care of later tonight.

**Hóuzi**

again wtf??? i want a break

I’m dealing with heartbreak over here

lol i rhymed

**Boss Man**

Liu Yangyang age 27.

Orphan raised in a group home since the age of 16.

No known family or friends after the incident until 

The age of 22 when you met a certain Lee Jeno.

**Hóuzi**

what the fuck is wrong with you

**Boss Man**

You wanted a life you wanted a family, Liu

I gave that to you. Don’t fail me now

**Hóuzi**

fine 

___________________________

Yangyang is ugly, he is mottled with the bruises and bloody hand prints of a woman who fought for the life of a sixteen year old boy. A boy who by all rights should have no one, why did she fight for him? A sting of bitterness courses its way through his bones. Yangyang swallows down the bile in his throat as he considers the bloody scene before him. 

The young nurse lies on the floor in a pool of her own blood, needles and scissors stick out of her body from odd angles. The moment she had seen Yangyang with his knife she had launched herself at the call button, but unfortunately Yangyang had already severed the wires. Yangyang remembers her scream as she launched herself in front of Sungchan screaming at him to run. No matter how much she was hit or stabbed the woman kept dragging herself back up from the floor. Sungchan the boy hadn’t last long a quick slit of the wrists so it would look like suicide and Yangyang had finished the job. 

_ How could he be loved? What was so unloveable about me?  _

Yangyang stared down at the bloody scene with blank eyes, what was so wrong with him it seemed like everybody had to leave him. His phone buzzes as an obvious sign that he had spent too long at the scene of the crime. He sighed and turned, slipping unseen out of the room, his route had been planned long before he had even heard of the mission. Yangyang wonders how Jeno is doing, it’s only been a month since he lost his uncle. 

__________________________

“This job is shit,” Jisung said softly. Yangyang remains wordless as he leans against the counter of the empty cafe. “Are you okay? You haven’t looked good since that mission with the Jung kid,” Jisung continued. 

Yangyang started at the name Jung “Are you fucking stupid? Somebody could hear you,” he spat out looking at Jisung incredulously. Jisung rolled his eyes and gazed around the cafe exaggeratedly “Really?” he said sarcastically “Who? There’s nobody here except the two of us.” Yangyang shot him nasty look before turning away grumbling underneath his breath. “I’m fine Jisung,” Yangyang snapped. 

Jisung snorted “Of course you are. You're totally not pining after your best friend.”

Yangyang rolled his eyes before turning back to his phone. “Dude I get it. This job sucks but we chose it,” Jisung said earnestly. Yangyang gave Jisung a deadpan look before rising. “I’m clocking out,” Yangyang said simply before turning and heading towards the door ignoring Jisung’s squawks of indignation.

__________________________

Yangyang paused in front of the door, shifting the flowers from hand to hand he knocked on the door gently. There was no response instead the door swung open lightly, Yangyang’s inner alarm bells instantly started ringing. “Jeno,” he called out as he inched into the apartment. “Jeno,” he called out again this time raising his voice. 

“Yangyang,” Jeno comes shuffling out of the living room a pile of paper in one hand. 

“Jeno I-” Yangyang took a step forward, his arms coming out from behind his back. 

“Get the fuck out,” Jeno’s voice is frigid as he stares Yangyang down. 

“Jeno what's going on?” Yangyang stumbled over his words confusedly. 

“You killed Doyoung,” it's not a question but a statement of a fact. 

Yangyang swallowed “How did you find out?” Jeno just stared at him blankly, a look of disgust coming across his face. He throws the papers down at Yangyang’s feet, Yangyang glances down to see copies of his bank statements, the offshore account and pictures of him in the midst of killing Doyoung and Sungchan. 

“If you don’t get the fuck out right now, I will kill you,” Jeno’s voice snaps him back to reality. 

Yangyang glances up to Jeno staring down at him, his eyes are devoid of any emotions except for hatred he stares at Yangyang with pure unadulterated hatred. Yangyang flees, he a trained assassin flee’s, he turns tail and runs from Jeno’s apartment, orange roses still clutched in a sweaty hand. His phone buzzes, Yangyang knows that ringtone like the back of his hand its the boss man’s. 

  
  


**Boss Man**

I heard about Lee Jeno. 

**Hóuzi**

tf are u keepig tabs on me??

**Boss Man**

Yes. Lee Jeno will be taken care off.

Without dieing Liu. 

**Hóuzi**

what are u going to do to him?

u better not fucking hurt him

**Boss Man**

Your loyalty is commendable but idioitic nonetheless.

Lee will be fine. Its a standard procedure, he will not remember 

What has transpired today. 

**Hóuzi**

what do you mean its a standard procedure? 

**Boss Man**

You are not the first agent to have been compromised.

Go back to Lee’s place in the morning.

You can give him those wretched roses then. 

  
  


“Babe are you done yet?” a voice calls out from the kitchen. Ten glanced up from where he was sitting at the kitchen table, “Yeah,” he called back. Kun sighed as he shuffled his way out of the kitchen, a platter of food balanced in his hands. “You should move your work laptop, the shits will be here any minute,” Kun said plainly. Ten snickered softly “What would they say if they heard you calling them that?” 

Kun rolled his eyes softly “Ehh they’ve called me worse they can just suck it up.” Ten nodded along a pensive look coming across his face, “You were in foster care right?” Ten began. “Yeah, that's how I met Sicheng,” Kun raised an eyebrow. “Let me finish,” Ten groaned “Did you ever know a kid named Liu Yangyang?” 

Kun frowned softly “No why?”

Ten smiled, “No reason.” Kun nodded in response a faintly suspicious look on his face.  _ It does work, _ Ten thought to himself.  _ Yangyang and Jeno will be fine.  _

_________________________

Yangyang probably should've listened to Jisung and sooner when he told him to confess to Jeno, not that he would ever admit that. Jeno sat shyly on the couch next to Yangyang, their hands intertwined. “I love you, ”Yangyang whispered, enjoying the way Jeno’s cheeks flushed. “I love you too,” Jeno whispered back, leaning in to capture Yangyang’s lips within his own. 

Kim Doyoung and Jung Sungchan were the farthest thing from the two’s minds as Jeno slid onto Yangyangs lap, fingers tangling up in each other's hair. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hate this fic so fucking much it makes my blood boil, but I don't have time to rewrite or write something else so we're stuck with this. If you made it this far then here have a cookie 🍪 and I'm proud of you, you're a trooper. I considered a john wick inspired ending for this fic but then I decided I already write to much (REDACTED) in my fics.
> 
> Oh and before i forget hóuzi means monkey in chinese.


End file.
